catmando.blog

Several years ago, our family cat became ill.  The veterinarian told us she probably developed diabetes and began treating her for this.  I secretly thought she was somehow poisoned.  (I still think she was) Either way, after watching this poor beautiful animal suffer for a couple weeks as we tried to nurse her back to health, we were forced with the excruciating decision to have her euthanized to put her out of her misery.  We knew she was suffering, and her suffering was taking a toll on us too.  If you have never owned a pet for a significant period of time, you probably do not know what this is like.

After the vet euthanized our dear Zoey, my wife and I brought her home and buried her in a pet casket in our back yard.  We made a little memorial for her and even had a plaque made to help memorialize her.  You might think we were overreacting or taking our grief “way-too-far,” but dealing with the loss of a pet can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. 

Let me give you a little backstory.  We rescued this beautiful Siamese kitten from a local humane society and gave her to our youngest daughter as one of her birthday presents when she was about six years old.  Over the years that followed, Zoey grew with our daughter.  One day, our daughter went off to college, leaving my wife and I at home as “empty nesters” with huge holes in our hearts.  Zoey stayed home and quickly became that invisible link between our daughter and us.  We could not go anywhere without this cat following us throughout the house.  If we even looked like we were packing suitcases, she was in the suitcase expecting to go with us.  This cat quickly filled the loss we felt after sending our “baby” off to college.  Skip forward a couple years.  Our daughter is still in college, but one day, Zoey looks like she is getting sick.  My wife and I were torn.  Do we tell our daughter or not?  We agonized over this while at the same time hoping Zoey would somehow miraculously get better.  Sadly, she did not improve.  I don’t know why I was ever so emotional about this cat.  I used to own a meat processing plant and have killed literally thousands of animals and never was sad or squeamish.  All of those were for food and not pets.  Not a cat that grew up in our house with our daughter.  This cat was actually part of our family.  We talked for her (you know exactly what I mean).  After being forced to put Zoey down, we thought about her often and of course we grieved, but over time, that grieving process or period slowly began to dissipate.  That is until a good friend of mine posted the other day about having to make the dreadful decision of putting his dog down.  My friend described this animal as his “best friend.”  It was so easy to empathize with him.  We have been down that road.

In this article, I will attempt to outline ten methods of attempting to heal your broken heart after your pet or as in my friend’s case, “best friend” dies.

#1       Let yourself grieve.  No matter what, this is probably the most important step in the entire process of coming to grips with the realization that your furry friend is no longer there with you.  It is perfectly normal to be emotional and know that these emotions can run the gamut from sadness to guilt to loneliness.  These feelings are normal.  It is okay to cry.  It is okay to suffer the loss of your friend.

#2:      Erect or create some type of memorial in remembrance of your furry friend.  Do something to honor their memory.  Plant a tree or a particular flower in your garden.  Remember, we actually bought a casket (I called it a “catsket” for a while) and had a plaque made and placed it near Zoey’s burial spot.  There is no doubt you will spend the next few weeks or even months finding toys around the house or yard that will remind you of your lost loved one.  Save these in a particular place as sort of a shrine.  This can help you focus your grief toward happier times or the fun times you had together.

#3       Talk about your feelings with your significant other, family or older children.  One of the things we humans do is share our feelings with those we care about.  Unfortunately, some of us often think we are too tough and do not have to share our feelings, but I know it is important to at least share some of your memories and stories with compassionate members of your family.  In some drastic or severe situations, it may become necessary to seek out support groups or even crisis hotlines.  Please, do not ever be afraid to talk with someone or seek help if you are struggling to cope with this loss.

#4       I have found that it is helpful for me to keep a routine.  Keeping busy with my daily activities and work tends to distract me from the memories of Zoey.  I am also careful to not push myself over the edge.  I make sure I take time to relax and as time goes on, the thoughts of Zoey become fewer and fewer.

#5       I have never been the kind of person who practices yoga or meditates, but I do know it is important to take care of yourself when you are grieving.  This is true whether grieving the loss of a pet or a human friend.  Sometimes, we feel so sad we forget to take care of ourselves.  Don’t let that happen to you.  Maintain your health, eat right and exercise.  Both of these can help prevent you from dwelling on your loss.  Remember, it is okay for you to take care of yourself.  In fact, this should actually be your priority. Some may disagree with this, but I’ve always said, “You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself first.”  Put yourself first, and others second.  Especially when you are grieving.

#6       For those of you who are more creative, try memorializing your pet in a song, poem, artwork, etc.  When Zoey died, my wife had me cut some of her fur off just so she could “touch it one more time.”  By creating a memorial for Zoey, we can look out our kitchen window and see where she is buried, which brings back some of the great memories we have.

#7       I don’t know how big of a fan I am about getting a “support animal.”  While there is no doubt I love our pets, I feel the use of and terminology of “support animal” has been taken way too far in the United States.  There is nothing more disgusting than going to a festaurant or getting on an airplane or being in some other confined area seated near a person who has a smelly “support animal.”  I’ve always figured if you are that insecure, stay home!  But, science tell us that having a support animal can help mend the broken heart in a number of different ways.  The “support animal” could allow you to focus your attention on something else;  You could slowly transfer your affection toward this new friend; or, in some other way, honor the loss of your furry friend.

#8       Another great way to refocus your attention away from your grief is to volunteer at your local humane society or animal shelter.  They always need volunteers.  I know, as you give of yourself, it will not take long before you are considering adopting another kitten or puppy to help fill the void in your life.  Volunteering gives you a purpose; a reason to keep loving animals.  Remember why you adopted or took in your late friend all those years ago.  Most of us do this out of a need to show kindness toward those around us who may not be as fortunate.

#9       I know I kind of mentioned this already, but it is important to remember the good times.  This can be done through a shrine, a memory box, photo album, or whatever you want to help store memories of those great times you shared together.

# 10    Give Yourself Time.  It’s been said that grief does not have a timeline, and someone also once said, “Time heals all wounds.”  This is true for not only physical wounds, but emotional wounds.  For some people, losing a long-time pet can equate to losing a family member.  Even after several years, I still walk into the house expecting Zoey to run up to me and brush against my leg.  Occasionally, I have even looked for her around the house when she is not there with me.  Now, when this happens, I tend to laugh at myself, but it is important to know that grief is real and remember, if you know someone who has recently lost a pet, do not judge them for how they are behaving.  Everyone grieves differently and the key is to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve.  Find a way to cope with your loss and remember, it is your loss, not your neighbor’s.  You deal with it your way!